My journey to the ER

Take home message

PUT YOUR OWN MASK ON FIRST.

For Coaches

You are no good to anyone if you are no good to yourself. It is not selfish - it’s common sense.

For Athletes

Keep an eye on coaches or parents - the people who likely put you first - who may not be taking care of themselves first. They cannot help you if they’re out of action.

“Stress”, she said.

“Doc”, I started, with a smooth, endearing smile, “I’m going to stop you there. I’m a strength and conditioning coach. We don’t suffer stress”, I suavely reassured her, insisting it was something else. I was later told by my wife that I was not nearly as charming or witty as I thought. Damm. That fentanyl is really, really good stuff.

 

Stress. Not sure if I should be happy or sad with the ER doc’s diagnosis.  Happy because there are far more serious causes of the debilitating abdominal pain I had been experiencing the past 24 hours.  Or sad, because stress is a sign of weakness.  Ouch. I guess I’m not Wolverine or a Super Dad after all!

 

I was in a Perth hospital, hours after landing from our first training camp in Darwin.  We all thought I had gastro, without the throwing up or … the other sign. Just unrelenting stomach pain going nowhere.  But it wasn’t gastro. 

 

Six weeks out from the Olympics and it turns out, I could not handle the stress.  The doc said to take a few days off.  Yeah, sure. I’ve had probably less than 5 sick days in my career - no time for being sick! Maybe after the Games are done.

 

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Long story short, stress put me in the ER.  Very deflating.  Here I considered myself as bullet proof as any indestructible coach.  But my symptoms were not a result of drug or alcohol abuse which only left stress.  Which kind of feels worse because it is more like a weakness.  How can I work with an elite team and not handle stress?  Isn’t that a requirement of high performance? 

 

And why now, six weeks out?  Was it the culmination of the past year?  The entire Olympic cycle?  Was my stress level just simmering under a threshold and one incident tipped me over the edge?  Did I miss warning signs?  Did someone else?

 

I don’t know the answers, or I do and too stubborn to admit that it is probably a combination of everything.  Almost three months on, I’ve sort of modified my behaviour, but long held habits are hard to adjust.  I know I snuck in an afternoon nap during the recent tour.  My biological fuel light flashing, so I finally listened and found a quiet place for a rest.  Two hours later, emerging refreshed.  Coaches not surprised I needed the rest, just surprised I actually took it.

 

I write this as a reminder to coaches, athletes and parents, are you really managing yourself?  I’m the first to say, “no, I do not”, and I think my colleagues and players would recognise that in me.  I put other people’s oxygen mask on first and put mine on once I am satisfied I’ve helped everyone else. 

I like working hard. I don’t like not having time as an excuse. I like to be dependable and get it done and over-deliver.

But… I’d also like to last and not burn out. I’d like to be ok switching off when it’s time to switch off. And I’d like to be a bit fitter and healthier.

I’ve some modifying to do.  Time to listen to my own advice perhaps?


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Thanks again. BA.