Failure has a silver lining
Take home message
IT’S JUST SPORT. THAT’S WHY IT’S SO IMPORTANT.
For Coaches
Remember that you coach more than those directly in your care. This immediate group contains the future coaches.
For Athletes
Take a moment to appreciate the journey for what it is. That is the goal.
As an avid lover of sport, I’ve watched a few grand finals in my time. When the final siren or whistle sounds, I’ve always thought that the team that loses, the second-best team in the competition, at that very moment, feels far worse than any other player in the competition. Even compared to the team that came dead last, those players whose season may have ended weeks ago, these latest losers feel empty.
I wonder if it has a lot to do with this saying by legendary NFL coach, Dick Vermil:
“If you don’t invest very much, then defeat doesn’t hurt very much and winning is not very exciting.”
Is second place the highest level of investment that lost, which therefore has the right to feel the most hurt?
It’s hard not to judge the process on the results. After all, the history books will forever be the impartial judge, the bearer of hard truths and settler of any argument. No matter how good, or great your effort, they won, you did not. End of story. Move on.
But in a time where the world needs inspiration, community and maybe a bit of distraction, it’s important to take a step back and have perspective. To remember the bigger picture. And I find it’s taking the 10,000 and 30,000 foot views that help as opposed to ground level.
Ground level is blunt and perhaps selfish and narrow minded. Second place. Failure. Disappointment. Worthless. What was it all for?
10,000 foot view. Again, to be cliché, I can’t help but go to Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech to draw some inspiration and comfort:
“It is not the critic who counts; nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
It’s knowing that I chose this position. All those early mornings, late nights, and every other time, working hard, away from the family for the elusive, for the slight chance of triumph amid the ever likely failure. When I reflect on the quote of Vermil, defeat hurt a lot, but I also know that I (and those with me on this journey) did give it absolutely everything, are entitled to a moment of grief. But also satisfaction that we did everything we could. It’s not much consolation as no one is on the journey for second and all grade themselves very hard. I know I will reflect on my performance and pick holes in it to improve, I want to get better and I will search for ways to improve. But I can take comfort that having ridden the journey I know great devotion and failed daring greatly.
But failing would be to stop at that still narrow and limited perspective because it’s at the 30,000 foot level where the victory is. It’s here I need to spend my time. Particularly in 2021. My initial reaction of grief and disappointment was for the players, and I am still sad for them – I know what they invested. Oh, it was a lot. So much.
I’ve never encountered a more sombre sporting environment than I did post-match. The change rooms were so quiet. It seemed like ages before anyone spoke. It had the quietness of a library with the emptiness of a wake. Heads were low. Eyes were red. However, in the hours and days after, it would be hard for someone to determine who the winners or losers were. Teammates were embracing, laughing together. Enjoying the company and respect of their peers who had been in the ‘arena’, given it their all, failed and were going to get up again. The once haunting memory of the change room replaced with stronger, uplifting memories of good times with good people. They had each other’s back no matter what. It was then I remembered why we actually do what we do.
It’s not for medals. There were thousands of competitors chasing just 340 gold medals. Five years of preparation, two weeks of competition, millions of people watching and just 340 medals?! The chances are clearly stacked against them all. The reality is that almost every athlete that dedicated countless hours and sacrifice to a performance in Tokyo “failed”. With those chances, it is pondering why anyone would actually choose the path. What I did not realise in my post-match moment of selfishness, is the tremendous positive impact the team, and countless others, had made.
I know many people will remember Olympic moments of gold, on the track, court or race course. But personally, it is the human elements, the character or quality that ring louder than physical performance, as impressive as they are. Who can forget the spirit of two competitors on the track, friends off it, whose high jump performance could not be split and shared a Gold Medal. Or a teammate out of contention for a medal, sacrificing his own running speed to pace set and motivate his teammate to a medal. The runner who fell on the last lap, only to get up and run on – to win. These are the moments that give me chills.
I think of the millions of people around the world, for a moment escaping isolation or lockdown, watching us pursue our dream through this adversity. People lifted by others commitment and dedication. People filled with hope and inspired by the actions of countless “failures”, demonstrations of character. Because it is daring to fail against such odds that provides resilience and encouragement, that transfers to other challenges life wants to throw at us.
Reflecting on the process, perhaps the result really is the journey. What we develop and give to others as a result of ‘failure’.
Now I am sure my perspective may be different with one more goal (or five!). But that’s at ground level. However, even that result at the higher perspective may still be about the process – I don’t know, but I suspect it is. I am fortunate to know a few gold medallists who don’t actually know where their medal is. “I think it is in a drawer, don’t know”. They don’t walk around with it all day, because it is not about the medal. When does it come out? When they take it to a school or a local junior club. That is where the intangible value is. The result, win, lose or draw, is a representation of the processes of dedication, resilience, improvement, camaraderie and inspiration. The worthy cause is chasing a dream despite the overwhelming, almost certain, odds of failure, demonstrating perseverance and hard work, and having your mate’s back no matter what.
That’s the view I need to take. That’s the silver lining.
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Thanks again. BA.