Two ears, one mouth: Timing our contribution

TAKE HOME MESSAGE

COLLABORATION DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN HAVING TO TALK.

For Coaches

Knowing “when” to say is just as important as “what” to say.

For Athletes

Just because a coach is not talking, does not mean they are not contributing. A good coach knows when to make a point and when not to.

It is nice to be asked for an opinion. Everyone loves to feel involved. However, there are times when we need to weigh up the importance of our opinion in the context of the situation.

I am a big believer in primacy and recency - that people are more likely to remember the first and last points (or if you’re me, maybe just the last thing). For example, at the conclusion of a field session, when the coach has just wrapped up the session, debriefed the players and looks to me and asks if there is anything else, I need to weigh up what I am going to add – does it in fact add to the coach? Or not?  I may well have a valid point, but what is the last thing that the players are going to hear in this setting right now?  If it is some boring “remember to recover after training” lecture and the coach has just highlighted the significance of a session in the year’s progress, I can wait.  If he has addressed some admin about the next session, I’m good to remind the players about conditioning top-ups and recovery.

Photo by bantersnaps on Unsplash

I think a trap for young coaches is the collaborative nature of a coaching group that encourages contribution, even when it is not actually needed.  People want to show how much they know and over-talk. What’s the important message that needs to be heard right now in this group setting?  Who needs to give the message?

I also sense that at some communication or leadership workshop level, a strategy to facilitate buy-in is to make sure everyone contributes, as though contributing signifies your commitment. Thus if you contribute, you’re considered heard and bought in. Conversely, no contribution equals not bought in or you don’t agree. This is another example of having confidence. You don’t always have to have an opinion or talk to contribute. Sometimes, what you had to say has been said, you don’t need to repeat someone else and you need to have the confidence to “pass”.

I appreciate the coaches trust in me and allowing my contribution.  Doesn’t mean the team needs to hear me right now.  I am always mindful of talking too much and always trying to remember the “two ears, one mouth” saying. Not talking does not mean not knowing.

Consider times this week when you are asked to make a contribution – it may not always be needed.  Be mindful of the moment.