Undulating Confidence
Take home message
CONFIDENCE IS UP AND DOWN.
THERE IS ALWAYS AN UP.
For Coaches
In our desire for constant improvement, can we be too hard on ourselves? We always want to improve, but right now, did you do your best? If so, good work.
For Athletes
Downs are not permanent. If you have done it before, you can do it again.
Do you ever have one of those days when you wonder if you got anything right at all? Take last week for example. Misread some of the players during the warm-up and had a false sense of where the group might be currently. Trialed a new exercise with an athlete but it did not quite go well (actually, it went badly). Reading about velocity based training and realised just how far wrong I was with it when I started with a GymAware about 15 years ago (talk about way off the mark - almost, “the world is flat” way off). My new fancy excel GPS report was wrong - in two places and they are just the ones we found today (turns out there were more during the week). I haven’t spoken to the network of coaches I am involved with for a while. As much as I try to be positive and enjoy life, I can’t help but be half-full and feel underperforming.
Like training where volume and intensity fluctuates (undulating periodisation), I find confidence can too. Although we plan the changes in volume and intensity, changes in confidence are unplanned and feel more severe. I’ve been doing this S&C thing for a while now - shouldn’t I be starting to get it right more than not? Is it more complicated than I thought?
Coaching can be like a roller coaster - exciting ups and scary downs.
This is a hard post to write. There’s pressure to be correct all the time. Who wants to read about struggle? People potentially read this for some tips or strategies to incorporate with their athletes, teams and programs. I should stay vulnerable in private and share only successes in posts. Well, in my defence, I’m getting better at this internet thing and I know the numbers - there are less people reading these than players on a hockey team. And second, maybe some people are interested in the full picture and not just the Insta story (whatever that is?).
I’ve never been the “Rah-Rah” sort of S&C coach. The “alpha” to get out in front of the team and yell and scream like an army PT at bootcamp. Not my style. My first years at the Western Force, some of the players called me “Squeak” or “Rowdy” because I was so quiet. I've always admired the capacity of fellow S&C coaches who answer every question from the coach and players with brimming confidence. I think there is a lot of confidence required to be an S&C coach and for a long time, I did not have it. I have more now, but like a stock market it rises gradually and drops like a rock, where it can stay for days. There will be fleeting moments when I feel confident, when I think I am starting to get it. Sometimes the confidence is up when I take a moment to look back and see how much I have developed. Days when I could do this lucky job forever. Although the feeling evaporates just as quickly when I see how much more I have to learn and just how many things I should have done better in a day. There are days when I think I should quit.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect.jpg
The Dunning-Kruger model outlines stages of expertise and confidence. There is an initial burst of confidence with little competence as you don’t know what you don’t know. Then you realise it is bigger than you thought and your confidence declines, but over time rises again as you get more competent. Somehow I feel that I am stuck firmly in the trough - sliding between the “slope of enlightenment” and “valley of despair”. And for some reason, a source of my lack of confidence comes from being too aware of the vast unknowns that exist and the immense magnitude of grey in human performance. Knowing that there is so much to training athletes, I can be easily stumped by good jargon. I know what someone is saying does not make sense, but all the big words were used, and it could be correct. There is more grey than black and white and because the answer in athletic preparation can often be, “it depends” I can be confused and lack confidence. Even when it depends, there can be a few right answers as many exercises/reps/training strategies can get results depending on the individual.
There will always be another wave coming. Take time to enjoy a good moment when they appear. Photo by Lucie Dawson on Unsplash
It used to take days to get out of this depression. It is not so much making mistakes. I am ok with making mistakes as sometimes you can learn more from the experience of failure than you do from success. It is perhaps letting people down and the display of vulnerability. Part of that might be the absolutely wonderful mentors I have had (and continue to have). I held them in such high regard that I created an illusion that I believed they were flawless. I am sure they made mistakes. Perhaps the reason they are so good is that they made so many and learnt a lot really quickly. It’s funny how so often during my technical training or agility training a player will make a mis-step, or make a skill error and I quickly yell, “Keep going! That’s why we practice”, an encouraging reminder to them to try again, reinforcing that it’s in making the mistakes that the learning appears, so go again.
Maybe the lesson is also knowing that my athletes and fellow coaches are going to be in the valley of despair from time-to-time as they falter with coaching, skill or tactical execution. Perhaps I can be a guide to help them climb out. Goodness knows I have found my way in there many times!
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Thanks again. BA.